Onto IVF...

Staying busy outside crafting & painting on this beautiful day off work!

Well since my last post I found out that the 5th and final IUI was unsuccessful. I had little faith of it being successful so that wasn't a shock to me. So it's onto IVF without a doubt now. My last appointment was on Monday, all I had done was have my day 3 labs drawn. Those labs just included some hormone levels and genetic testing for cystic fibrosis. I go back  next Tuesday, it will be my 5th appointment this month. I've had to take off/switch days at work every single week this month. Which is an extra stressor for me. I am blessed to have a boss & coworkers that are understanding & supportive. Tuesday's appointment will determine my timeline for IVF. I will be having another saline ultrasound, which I am really not looking forward to. I had one done almost 7 months ago at my very first RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) appointment. It was pretty painful & by the end of the day I could barely walk. I couldn't stand up I had to walk bent over due to the pain, it was worse than my HSG. So I am kind of nervous about this one. I will also be having my IVF calculation review which I am told will determine my whole IVF plan :). I'm hoping I will have my egg retrieval surgery mid may & the transfer late May/early June.  I will also be having a trial transfer done next week. Which from my understanding will take measurements for reference for the day my transfer is done. So exciting. I am really looking forward to this. I just have faith it's going to work. We are taking part in a financial share program which will give us multiple attempts if this first cycle is not effective, I feel a lot of relief knowing if this one isn't successful we will get more attempts. If this first attempt is successful we've paid for multiple cycles that were not needed but the peace of mind is worth it for me. I'm going to the pharmacy in a bit to pick up my Lupron injections, I'll find out Tuesday when I start these. They will be one of the 3 injections I give myself daily for 2 weeks. The Lupron is to keep me from ovulating early before my egg retrieval.

 I want to keep a journal of our entire journey so one day our sweet baby/babies can look back at how much they were loved before they were even conceived. There's not a child in this world loved more than my child that doesn't even exist yet.  I have it all planned out how I will tell Chris & our family that I'm pregnant & I can't wait until I actually get to do that.

I've attached a video of a song that explains all too well the feelings of infertility.

First steps to IVF...

We had our initial IVF discussion appointment on Monday. This week has been an emotional one for me. I had my 5th IUI on the 7th so I am still in the two week wait to see if it was a success. At this point I have little faith in IUI. I am ready to get on the roll with the IVF. I am stressed about finances. After finding out exactly what we have to pay it's overwhelming, but there is NOTHING I wouldn't do to become a mother. God is providing & He is so good. Our infertility consumes me and I have a hard time thinking of anything else lately. & to all those people out there that make statements like "if you'd just relax and not think about it, it will happen".... to those who make those statements you have no idea what infertility feels like and if you did you'd think twice before saying something so ignorant. When you're dealing with infertility it's impossible to not think about it. You're injecting yourself with medications, taking multiple oral medications daily, going to the doctor weekly sometimes more frequently, and forking thousands of dollars out of your bank account..... yea those are kind of big reminders. I will do everything I can to become a mother. God gave my doctor the knowledge he has to help people like me & I am going to do whatever I have to to help myself achieve my dream of being a mother. My heart and soul longs to be a mother and I know that God will bless me. I have FAITH, sometimes my faith is only the size of a mustard seed, but that's all I need. Spiritually I am in the best place I've ever been in my life I love the Lord with all my heart. This journey has been a blessing, in that aspect. I've been dreaming about our baby. I've had 2 dreams one the baby was a girl and one was a boy & in both dreams it was chunky healthy beautiful baby. I was crying in both dreams kissing my babies face overwhelmed by the love I felt. Maybe this means we'll have twins boy & girl. What a blessing that would be. We have decided to transfer 2 embryos so our chances of having twins is 44%. God may be sending me a message. There's so much emotion going on right now there always is in the two week wait after IUI but especially this time because I am so anxious to get IVF started.

To all the other women out there on this infertility journey keep your faith in God. Without that you don't stand a chance. God will help you on this journey he will carry the burden when we can't. Without Him I'd be hopeless and so depressed I couldn't go on. But with him I have faith and I know I'm right where I'm meant to be and at exactly the right time I'll hold exactly the right baby in my arms and at that moment that all this pain will disappear.