weeks 7-9

6 weeks

2 Year Anniversary

2 years ago on 6/23/12 I married my soul mate. that day was the most beautiful day and it was perfect. We've been through a lot in the past 2 years and I can't wait to have many more years with Chris. I praise the Lord for sending him to me. He is the man God created for me. I have dreamed about a love like this since I knew what love was. I look forward to the years to come, we're still just getting starting, we have tons of happy memories to come. The best days of our lives lie ahead of us. I am so thankful we have created a miracle together and Chris gets to be the father of my children. I know without a doubt he will be the best daddy in the entire world. This man was meant for me.

Photography by Queen B Photography- Madison NC

Our little Valentine

Yesterday we had our first ultrasound. I had been so anxious all day for it to happen, my appointment wasn't until 2 pm. When we got ready to do the ultrasound Dr.Johnston says "We're not going to see a heartbeat or anything today, it's still to early for that. We are just looking to see if there is one or two sacs, and if everything is progressing as expected". The sonographer proceeded to do the ultrasound and as she zoomed in on the baby she said "ahhh". There was a little flicker on the screen, which was the heartbeat. My heart felt like it would explode with joy at this point. There is a very early heartbeat. Dr. Johnston says due date is 2/14/15. Everything looks great so far. I will go back July 3rd for another ultrasound to make sure the baby is growing as it should be,  if so I will then  be transferred back to my OB/GYN for care.

I am looking forward to my first visit with Dr.Bovard since she referred me to Dr. Yalcinkaya. Having her as my doctor is another blessing. She herself dealt with infertility and had twins via IVF through Dr.Yalcinkaya. It's so amazing how God places people in your life that were meant to be there. When I had my first visit with Dr.Bovard (my OB/GYN) I had no idea what she had gone through. When I picked her office as the one of so many to go to I did not know that a year later I'd be where I am right now. I just know it's all a part of God's plan. & I am so thankful for it.

Yesterday evening when we got home from the office visit and doing some grocery shopping, we sat down to watch TV. Chris pulls this tiny little maroon wrapped box out of nowhere and says "I got you something". I was in shock, I wasn't expecting anything. I opened it, and inside was a little white Pandora box with a charm for my bracelet inside that says "MOM". I grabbed him and held him tight and just cried. I am so blessed and at that moment I've never been happier. Praise the Lord for giving me Chris and now our little miracle. My cup runneth over.

You must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain

Today is the day of our first ultrasound. I barely slept a wink last night I'm so anxious. There's a tiny part of me worried that something will be wrong, but most of all I'm excited. Excited to see if there will be one or two babies & if there will be heartbeats.

I've just been laying in bed this morning thinking about the future & thinking back on this journey. I can't help but remember the days I felt so crushed, so heartbroken. One particular day comes to mind I cried uncontrollably in the floor after I found out another IUI had failed. At that moment I sobbed to the point I could hardly catch my breath. I felt so empty. I even told my Chris that I felt like I was losing my mind. I just wanted to scream. Not only was I hurt I was angry. I was in a deep pit. There have been few times in my life I felt that kind of pain. I prayed that day after questioning "Why God, WHY?". I've prayed the prayer for strength so many times. At that point I was all out of strength.  Today I sit here with a miracle inside me & I cry tears of joy, & I thank God today for those rock bottom moments. Because of days like that, I'm able to deeply appreciate what a blessing this is, in a way I wouldn't have been able to had I not experienced that. I PRAISE THE LORD for every step I've taken & pray my miracle grows into a healthy baby.

No matter where we are in life there are going to be times we feel hopeless & helpless. But those are just tiny moments in time, they'll all but disappear once we get to where God intends.

Week 5... tossing the worries out the window

Yesterday was the first day of my 5th week of pregnancy. I have decided to take weekly photos to show how much the belly is growing & I just think it will be a neat thing for our children to look back on one day. I debated announcing our pregnancy so early in fear that something (God forbid) may happen and I may miscarry. But I have been so open about the whole IVF process I had people asking me daily when I would know something. Also I figured everyone would have to know at some point anyway so I may as well have the support if it were to happen. We have both put so much into being here. So many emotions in the past 2 years, my life has been like a roller coaster. We got our hopes up to be let down and did that over and over again. That's why it is so hard for me to believe that this is really happening. I am really pregnant, God really did bless me. I had faith the whole time that he would but for it to finally be real.... I have a hard time letting myself believe everything is going to be alright. I worry so much. I am so excited to be pregnant and have wanted this more than anything in the world, but I am scared to let myself get too happy about it. There's so much fear that I will lose this, I feel I need to prepare myself for another let down. It's what I have done the past 2 years have hope but prepare myself emotionally for the worst because that's what happened the past 24 months. I pray everyday for my miracle that God will let them grow and be healthy baby/babies, then I pray for strength for myself in case that is not God's plan. I want to enjoy my pregnancy to be happy, to let go of this worry and know that whatever happens is a part of God's great plan for me. I don't want to be 38 weeks pregnant and still in disbelief and have my whole pregnancy pass me by in worry. I read a devotional this morning that has made me decide that I will be happy I am tossing these worries out the window, they're nothing but the devil planting seeds in my mind. God wants me to be happy. Worry is pointless, it gets us no where and it is a lack of faith. I want to be filled with faith and know that God is blessing us with healthy children. I am so thankful for this pregnancy & I will not let my worry overshadow my blessing.


Below is the devotion from Pocket Fuel that has opened my eyes this morning.... God is my strength, all I need is faith in Him.

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Revelation 22:13 

Right now, stop reading for a second and take a look around. Wherever you are, whatever your environment is like, there will be evidence that you didn't or couldn't create it, and evidence that you won't be around to see it end! Drink up the enormity of that thought for a moment! The Creator of the universe spoke the light you see with into existence. The Creator spoke the form of the earth that you freely move around in. He spoke the plants and animals that we draw physical energy on, into form. Finally, He created the possibility for human life, your life, and watched you form in your mother's womb (Ps 139). He is so passionate about being connected to you that the Creator allowed His only Son to be destroyed, so that you would never be separated (by the power of sin) from Him. Go to the very start of everything and you'll find God. Go to the very end and there'll you find Him too. He sees it all, from beginning to end and He knows what you're going through AND what you're going to need! The trouble is most of us put far too much stock in our own strength - a strength that has no ability to foresee the future - when our trust is far better in the hands of the all-knowing, all-loving and Almighty God. When you look to the Almighty for hope, provision, and trust there comes an ease. Things aren't necessarily easier, but there's an ease; a peace and a grace that everything will work out for good. What God has for you will not pass you by. The purpose He has for you will reveal itself in some way, shape or form and the provision (read: health, family, finances, connections) will come to you. Don't wrestle this life in your own strength… it'll only wear you out. But instead, trust in the One who knows the beginning to the end. Have a brilliant day.

This feeling is surreal

I started testing with at home pregnancy test 4 days post our 5 day transfer and got a very faint positive. I wasn't allowing myself to get excited just yet. I had also started spotting that morning. I pushed it out of my mind as implantation bleeding and allowed myself to get through the day. The next day came and I continued to spot, I was a nervous wreck and cried the better part of the day. I had convinced myself this cycle was not successful. I called my doctor and laid in bed all day and prayed to the good Lord to stop the bleeding. God answered my prayers and my bleeding stopped the next day. I continued to test and each day the tests got darker and darker. I took the last test at 8 days past our transfer day and the test line was darker than the control line. I went to my RE (reproductive endocrinologists) office later that morning for my official blood test. I got a call Friday morning 6/6/14 at 11:44 am confirming that we are in fact pregnant. My blood level was very strong at 177 anything over 50 is what they look for. I am still in shock and can't quite wrap my head around the fact that I am officially pregnant. Today I went back for another blood draw to make sure the levels are rising the way they should be and today the level is 637. I am so excited. I go for my first ultrasound on the 20th to see if there is a heartbeat yet and to see how many little miracles we have in there, at that time I will be 6 weeks pregnant. I am just starting to wrap my head around the fact that I am pregnant, we are parents. HUGE thanks to everyone that has said prayers for us, God has answered our prayers. Please continue to pray that in 8 months we have a healthy baby. Due date is February 13, 2015.

Pregnant until proven otherwise

Today is 3 days post our 5 day embryo transfer and I do believe the hardest part so far has been the waiting (that & the progesterone injections). Today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I have actually felt like myself, I had been nauseous, dizzy and just very weak. I attribute those feelings to my hormones just being all out of whack and the fact that I am on so much medication that my body is not used to. But today I felt like getting up, getting ready and doing something. I haven't done much but I was able to do some dishes, take a walk outdoors, dip my feet into the pool, and cook myself some lunch. I am currently still on Cabergoline which is to help with OHSS and it has caused some dizziness. I only have 2 more doses of this. My progesterone injection sites are feeling much better, still a little sore but at least now I can reposition myself in bed, and walk without intense pain. We have a routine down now for injections. I warm the PIO (progesterone in oil) in a heating pad for a few minutes prior to administering it, this helps it not to be as thick. Chris then gives the shot, massages the area in a circular motion for a few minutes and I then sit on a heating pad for about 15 minutes. This seems to working for the pain. I want my reason for not feeling so good and no energy to be due to pregnancy then I won't complain a bit, it will be a pleasant discomfort. The hardest part now is just the wait to see if these babies have stuck.... and until I find that out for sure I'm considering myself pregnant until proven otherwise.

We also found out that we have 7 other embryos that were good quality for freezing, so they have been frozen for future use.

Hurry up and wait

The embryo transfer was done yesterday around 2:00 pm. We got there at 11:45, I had to empty my bladder at 12:00 pm then drink 20 ounces of fluid. Our transfer was scheduled for 12:30 pm. We spoke to the embryologist. He was foreign and I couldn't understand half of what he was saying. I would probably have a lot more information if I could have understood him. Out of the conversation I got this: We had great quality embryos. We will have 9 or more left over to freeze. "enough to last a lifetime". Thank goodness, I'll never have to go through stimulation meds and egg retrieval again. The 2 that we had transferred one had already hatched. One of them was by regular IVF one was by ICSI (intercytoplasmic sperm injection). He also gave us a little talk about how important it is to relax so that the uterine lining is soft and more likely to support implantation. He compared it to putting seeds in soil which would support them and help them grow with the help of sunshine, as to putting seeds on pavement where they would not implant and grow. He said nerves and stress cause the uterus to be stiff and not difficult for the embryos to implant into. After we talked with him we went back out to the waiting room to wait some more. I apparently got more out of the conversation with the embryologist than Chris did. I told Chris I couldn't understand half of what he said and Chris' reply was "All I heard was 'Sunshine' (in a Japanese/Chinese accent)".

We proceeded to wait until 2:00 pm, keep in mind I still had a full bladder, I was about to burst by the time it was over with. We found out that the doctor had locked his keys in his car and his cell phone died with the charger in the car. Thankfully he arrived around 2 pm. We were able to watch on the ultrasound monitor as the catheter entered my uterus and the embryos were inserted. I then had to lie there for 25 minutes more before using the bathroom.

So I am now on bed rest for 48 hours and the next _____ days we just wait. Activity is limited for the next 3 weeks. We're trying to keep test date a secret so that this can be as much of a surprise as possible for our family if it is successful.