This is the beginning of my hope journal to accompany a book that I am working through. This book is spiritually based & incorporates journaling. It was recommended by a friend who has also experienced a miscarriage.
The story of my loss is written in the previous entries here in my blog.
If I could talk to God in person the questions I would ask him are the same ones I have asked him. Mostly is "why?". After all we've been through. 2+years of struggling to get pregnant. Month after month of getting our hopes up to only be let down why should i have to go through this. Just why?
My loss has been like a storm because I have no control. Just the way you have no control over a storm & the dark clouds loom over... I can't change this. I can't make these clouds disappear. Even though the sun may shine outside,in my life I feel darkness.
My life preserver during this storm has been God. Through prayer & the strength God has given me I'm able to get up in the mornings. Through God's word I feel like I have a glimmer of hope.
Reading through this book in the shadow of my loss I hope to bring away a sense of hope most of all. I know I'll never understand exactly why this happened but I hope to keep my faith in God & not doubt him or feel anger towards him.
My Prayer:
Dear God thank you for Chris my loving husband. Thank you for the love we share. Even if I'm never blessed with a child here on earth help me to realize how blessed I am to have him & let me feel satisfaction with that. Please give me strength Lord to deal with this. Give me hope for our future Lord. Help me to be closer to you God. Thank you for the strength. I know this is a part of your plan, May I always remember that. Forgive me for my anger & doubts. In Jesus name I pray.
Amen.
Amen.
My comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life.
Psalm 119:50
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