Our Angel

On the morning of June 2, 2014 I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand, I trembled and my heart felt as if it would beat right out of my chest. Then on July 17th I laid on the exam table at 9 weeks 5 days of pregnancy as I stared at our perfectly formed baby on the ultrasound screen with no heartbeat. My heart beat the same way it did when I found out that baby was living inside me, my body trembled the same way too. The image of this perfectly formed baby will forever be with me. Her little head, arms, and legs were perfect. This pregnancy brought me more happiness and more heartbreak than anything ever has. Every single day of my pregnancy I said a prayer "God please let this baby grow to be healthy, God give me strength if that is not your will". I said that prayer for 45 days of our baby's life. & God has answered my prayer. God is giving me strength. My heart is broken, at moments I have felt and even said that I want to go to sleep and not wake back up to this nightmare. I have even felt moments of anger towards God for this, I have questioned him. "God why, after all we have been through would you do this to me? Why do you hate me God?". But I feel ashamed of those thoughts the devil will place thoughts like those into your head when you're vulnerable and weak. I know that there is no love greater than God's love for me. I know this is a part of God's divine plan for my life. I absolutely don't understand it right now, not in any way, shape or form, but one day I will. I am thankful for the days I had with our sweet angel. I am thankful I got to hear her heartbeat, that was the best day of my life, and I am thankful I will see my baby again, I will rock her, hold her, sing to her, lover her for all the days of eternity when I get to heaven. With God's strength we will get through this.