PUPO

Yesterday was one of he most emotional days of this journey so far. In the matter of 1 minute, 1 conversation, my hopes almost completely diminished. We started the morning yesterday with 7 embryos. Back in May with our fresh cycle we were told by the embryonologist "you have enough embryos to last you a lifetime". In one day that false sense of hope was shattered. We lost 4 of our embryos yesterday that did not make it through thaw. I went in at 9:15am expecting to have 2 healthy embryos transferred and was told that 4 embryos had been lost. I had the option to thaw 2 more & come back at 1:15pm which I decided to do. I came home hit my knees & begged God to allow those 2 embryos to survive. We arrived back at the office and were told we did have 2 embryos to transfer but "they're nothing to jump up & down about" in regards to their chance of viability. We now have 1 remaining frostie with slim chances of it surviving thaw. I am hanging onto faith & the chance of God performing a miracle that this transfer will result in a healthy pregnancy. I need to be a mother, more than anyone that hasn't been in my shoes will ever understand. I have a constant ache in my soul to mother a child and raise a family. & I wish I could just make this desire disappear, that I could just wake up & be content with the blessings I have but this ache will never go away until I am able to hold our baby in my arms.

We have discussed what our next steps will be if this cycle fails & we plan to look into fostering towards the goal of adoption. I have always longed to carry my child in my womb, but my deepest desire is to love a child. It can be biologically mine or it can be a child that needs the love that we are able to give. We may resume IVF later in life, but if this isn't it we've decided to go down another road for now. We want a large family 3-4 children & I'm not getting any younger. I need a child to love & there are children out there that need love. the Lord is going to create our little family in some way shape or form. Its definitely not how we planned it but IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.