Time doesnt heal wounds... God does.

Looking back on my blog the majority of it is so depressing & sad to read. I usually write when I'm in my deepest pit to release the pain. The past couple of weeks I've been more at peace than I have in a very long time. Every single day I miss our baby, every single day I think about what life would be like if she were still living. In fact I would be 31 weeks pregnant this week. I will always wonder what could have been. But what could have been was not what was meant to be, and I must carry on, thank God for all the good things he's done & continues to do in our life.

This month is our first "break" since May of 2012. Not that we aren't still trying, I have pulled out the old fertility monitor this month. To most that's actively trying but to us this is a relaxed cycle. After going through IUIs, IVF, & FET this is about as relaxed as you can get. I am at peace, I'm not expecting to get pregnant this cycle but we will never stop trying. I've tried to draw close to God & find peace & God has surely drawn close to me. Chris & I have seen God's work in our lives the past few weeks, prayers about other stressors in our lives have been answered far beyond what we could have hoped for & I know God is saying "I've got this". He's showing us everyday He's hard at work & has great plans for us.

We aren't 100% sure about the timeframe for our future plans toward parenthood. But in the next 1-2 months we plan to do another IVF cycle. If that cycle isn't successful we will move towards the goal of adoption through foster care. We have lots if prepping to do to become certified in foster care so we will begin to work on that. We won't give up on having a biological child & will resume more IVF & FET cycles once we are settled into the life of foster care.

We will have beautiful babies in our lives. Until that time comes we are learning everyday that we can & are happy just the two of us. We are drawing closer to each other through this journey & I'm so thankful for the love we share. This is what I prayed for for years & years & my husband is the greatest blessing I have after my salvation. I am happier than I've been in months & I owe it all to the good Lord above.