This morning I awoke from a dream of swaddling our baby girl. She wasn't biologically mine & I knew that in my dream, but she was mine. She was about 6 months old & I was holding her loving her with all my heart as she wiggled about in my arms. I wish that dream was real. I wish we had a baby of our own where ever he or she comes from whether I birth him or her or not I want a baby.
Dreams like that make me miss our baby even more. My heart aches everyday for our baby. I miss being pregnant & I will never understand why it had to be our baby that was taken away. In 2 months I should be giving birth to our miracle, I should be feeling her kick me right now. I should have been pregnant this Christmas. It would have been our first Christmas as a family of 3 with our baby inside me. Our nursery would have been complete by now. But its not, my womb is empty & I'm stuck longing for the baby we lost. I want to be a mother, I should have that choice.
This is a pain that cannot be explained, the loss, the death of a dream... But I'm still dreaming. I have faith that one day our dream will come true. Until then we pray, we hurt, we miss, we wonder why & we just keep on keeping on. We have better days ahead & even if we never get to be parents on this earth, we are parents & we will be reunited with our angel in heaven.
I just got the chills reading this. I also had a dream like this. I saw and felt myself breast feeding my baby boy. I knew in the dream he wasn't mine but he felt like my own.
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