And the break nears to an end...

I've tried to push my infertility to the back burner in my life & for the past month and a half I have been the happiest I've been in a while. The past few days I've been thinking and really not looking forward to going back to see my RE. In a approximately 3 weeks I'll be begin meds for another hopeful embryo transfer. Up until my last frozen embryo transfer I had high hopes that I'd one day carry my own child, but after losing 6 embryos in one day, my hopes aren't very high of that ever happening. We now have one embryo left & I truly dread starting meds again, feeling the way I feel on them for a month only to be told our last embryo didn't make it either. I want to to at least attempt this last embryo before moving towards adoption, if not it will be in the back of my mind & I'll wonder could it have made it? I've been so strong the last month that I dread the uneasy scary unknowing feeling that going through a frozen cycle entails. I'm scared of the finality of it, that after this it truly is over. But at the same I've been at peace with our decision & at this time I do not want to endure another fresh ivf cycle. My head hurts just thinking about it. My heart aches. I just want a baby whether I birth the baby or God sends me a baby through adoption I can honestly say I do not care, but I know I want to be a mother. I just have to stay strong, stay peaceful, stay happy, stay faithful until it is our time. I've said it a million times, I will never understand this. God give me peace.