Today would have marked 37 weeks of pregnancy. I would have been holding our little miracle in my arms any day now.
Some days the pain is just as real as it was the day I lay on the exam table & stared at our perfectly formed baby's little body the perfect little head, arms and legs and stared in silence waiting for a heartbeat then hearing the words "I'm so sorry the heart is not beating". I can still hear the piercing silence in that room that day. I was so angry so broken, more than broken I was and still am at times crushed into a million pieces. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever go a week without crying. I know I will, there was a time when I couldn't go a day & now I can. Healing takes time & the strength from God.
Sometimes I go back to the video of the last normal ultrasound, the flickering on the screen & the strong heartbeat. I will never forget that sound, I'm so thankful I can hear that heartbeat anytime I need to. My baby was real no one else got to hold her or love her as deeply as I did but she lived & always will be in my heart. There will never be a day that goes by as long as I'm living that I don't miss our baby. Some days are just worse than others.
Hugs! I'm so glad you have that video. I haven't been able to watch the video we have of the twins 20 week ultrasound. It hurts so badly. You are in my prayers and you are so incredibly strong.
ReplyDeleteSome days its all you can do to breath in & out. Thank you & Prayers for you too. This pain will always be there I just pray with time its more bearable.
DeleteYour post breaks my heart but in it I see your strength and faith shining through. How loved she is.
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