I am thinking, what if I got pregnant with no infertility treatments? How crazy would that be? After 2.5 years non stop every single cycle tracking ovulation, 2 medicated cycles, 5 IUI's, & IVF, I still hang onto hope. It has been almost a month since my D&C & I still have not started my regular cycle. I'm tempted to POAS... Stupid & a waste, I know. I don't know why I entertain such crazy thoughts. I just want to try again. Time goes by way too fast to stand still & I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing, but it's not by choice. I can't believe it's already almost October. Time slow down. I'm getting too old & no babies. God reminds me He is in control, not me. My plan for life consisted of this: marriage around age 23 (didn't happen till age 27), babies ASAP & all 4 before the age of 30. I will turn 30 without any children. Let alone 4, just give me 1 & I will be happy. I want time to speed up & slow down all at once. I want to hurry up & get to start our FET cycle.
It's hard not being in control of this aspect of my life & its just not fair that most other women get to control whether or not they have children, when they'll have them. I HATE infertility. I'm just throwing a pity party. Ugh.
I HATE it, too. It is such a curse that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!! One day at a time is all you can do sometimes. Just one day at a time.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you, always.