We had our initial IVF discussion appointment on Monday. This week has been an emotional one for me. I had my 5th IUI on the 7th so I am still in the two week wait to see if it was a success. At this point I have little faith in IUI. I am ready to get on the roll with the IVF. I am stressed about finances. After finding out exactly what we have to pay it's overwhelming, but there is NOTHING I wouldn't do to become a mother. God is providing & He is so good. Our infertility consumes me and I have a hard time thinking of anything else lately. & to all those people out there that make statements like "if you'd just relax and not think about it, it will happen".... to those who make those statements you have no idea what infertility feels like and if you did you'd think twice before saying something so ignorant. When you're dealing with infertility it's impossible to not think about it. You're injecting yourself with medications, taking multiple oral medications daily, going to the doctor weekly sometimes more frequently, and forking thousands of dollars out of your bank account..... yea those are kind of big reminders. I will do everything I can to become a mother. God gave my doctor the knowledge he has to help people like me & I am going to do whatever I have to to help myself achieve my dream of being a mother. My heart and soul longs to be a mother and I know that God will bless me. I have FAITH, sometimes my faith is only the size of a mustard seed, but that's all I need. Spiritually I am in the best place I've ever been in my life I love the Lord with all my heart. This journey has been a blessing, in that aspect. I've been dreaming about our baby. I've had 2 dreams one the baby was a girl and one was a boy & in both dreams it was chunky healthy beautiful baby. I was crying in both dreams kissing my babies face overwhelmed by the love I felt. Maybe this means we'll have twins boy & girl. What a blessing that would be. We have decided to transfer 2 embryos so our chances of having twins is 44%. God may be sending me a message. There's so much emotion going on right now there always is in the two week wait after IUI but especially this time because I am so anxious to get IVF started.
To all the other women out there on this infertility journey keep your faith in God. Without that you don't stand a chance. God will help you on this journey he will carry the burden when we can't. Without Him I'd be hopeless and so depressed I couldn't go on. But with him I have faith and I know I'm right where I'm meant to be and at exactly the right time I'll hold exactly the right baby in my arms and at that moment that all this pain will disappear.
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