So many emotions

I have so many emotions running through me I can't even begin to explain this feeling. It's as if I'm floating on a cloud at the thought that very soon we will be bringing our baby boy into this world. This perfect little human that God, Chris, and I made. The miraculousness of it is just far beyond words so I won't even try. My heart is about to explode, I have tears  welling up in my eyes at the thought of seeing OUR son for the first time, touching his precious skin and getting the opportunity to do everything I've ever dreamed of... Be a mother. I am a little nervous at the thought of labor and the pain. Will I be able to do this? Of course, all mothers go through this. My body is made for this. When it wasn't so long ago I remember fearing my body would never get to experience this. I embrace this and with every second of pain I am going to try to remember this is nothing absolutely nothing in comparison to the pain of never getting to experience it and 10 months ago that's where we were living with the fear this would never be. God is a miracle worker, he created this miracle for me and I praise Him for it with all my heart. My heart is full I can't wait to show everyone our blessing very soon. May God bless Grayson's little body and he be healthy, amen.

Induction

Had my 39 week OB appointment today and I'm ecstatic to inform everyone there will be no more OB appointments for this pregnancy. We have an induction date! We aren't sharing the date due to wanting complete alone time without being overwhelmed with visitors but plan to let everyone know just as soon as we have had a chance to bond with him for a couple of hours. The next post here will be the delivery story. We plan to enjoy the last few days we have just the two of us with lots of talk about how we can't wait to kiss chubby cheeks and tiny toes. We both appreciate every prayer sent up for this pregnancy and a heathy baby. Please continue those prayers that our boy will be healthy and delivery goes well. Thank you.

38 weeks 4 days

Since the snow has melted off the roadways I'm back on the mission to get Grayson out. I layed around during the snow storm and didn't do too much of anything besides relax. Yesterday I spent a lot of time on my birthing ball bouncing and squatting. I ate spicy chicken for supper and drank some raspberry leaf tea. The bouncing and squatting is pretty self explanatory and is supposed to help get him deeper into the pelvis. I guess it's just an old wives tale that spicy food is supposed to induce labor I don't think there's any scientific proof of it. The raspberry leaf tea isn't necessarily supposed to induce labor but it is supposed to assist you once labor has started in making the contractions stronger therefore shortening labor time. I'm drinking 3 cups per day of it. Today I went shopping with my mom to get some things for Grayson for her to keep at her house since she will be looking after him when I go back to work. We then went to the mall and walked around the entire mall a few times. By the time I left I was so tired. I rested and felt pretty good so I did a little more ball bouncing and plan to do some squatting before I go to bed. I also have a pineapple I plan to cut into this evening. Eating fresh pineapple is said to help soften the cervix and I've heard success stories with it. Still haven't had very many contractions today but feel a lot more pressure than normal. I may not be helping progression a bit by doing all this but at least I feel like I am doing something. I am so ready to meet my little miracle.

38 weeks

Just a warning this post may contain TMI... I'm so used to talking with my online infertility friends about this stuff so it's nothing to us to share these things with each other but you may not wanna read this one if you don't want to hear details.

Only 2 weeks until little Grayson's due date!!! I've said it a million times but this pregnancy has flown by... All except for these last few weeks. I am so ready to meet our little guy. Contractions have picked up within the last week with 2 episodes where I was thinking this might be it, this might be the day we head to the hospital. But as you can see it's not time time yet. Update from yesterday's appointment: first of all a very stressful day! After yesterday I will not be having anymore cervical checks until I have to. The curiosity of my progress is not worth the worry I went through yesterday. Started off my appointment was at 10am they got me back quicker than normal I was in had my exam and was out in no time. Cervix had dilated to 2cm this week and 50% effaced. Didn't have anymore pain than normal during my exam and left the office headed to my parents house for a few then the plan was to go to the park to walk a little with momma before the snow came in today. As soon as I stepped out of the truck I felt a gush and I told momma I felt like I had peed myself. I immediately thought my water may have just broken. I go into the bathroom to discover I had a gush of blood and it continued. I immediately called the OB office where I had to talk with the triage nurse who was relaying my messages to my doctor whom had left the office and was at the hospital. Eventually my doctor called me herself and explained it was normal as long as it was letting up and not to worry but if it picked back up to call her back. And for a brief time I thought it was letting up, I felt better wasn't worried to death and could feel Grayson moving. But then I returned home only to walk from the vehicle to the bathroom with 2 more gushes and I began to panic again. After all I've come this far and this was scary to me. I've always bled a little after a cervical exam but this was way more than a little. I talked with my doctor again who asked me to come back to the office to be seen again. By this time it was about 3pm and all day long I had been just terrified and my head was pounding from the stress. I returned to the office and was checked out of course the bleeding had all but stopped again when I got there and on top of it all I felt really stupid for getting so worried. Everything was okay Grayson was active, his heartbeat was normal, my cervix was just very irritated from the exam, and there were no signs of placental abruption which is what I was so scared of. She explained that if it had been placental abruption when she pushed on my belly it would be very painful which it was not. I returned home and felt so much relief to know for sure all was well. I just know now I will not be having anymore cervical exams unless the doctor feels they are absolutely necessary. It was not worth all that worry. I am curious as to the progress that's being made but it really does not make one difference how far dilated or effaced I am... When it's time, it's time and I will know it. I had a few contractions yesterday evening while lying in bed which doesn't normally happen, they're usually when I'm up and about. Haven't had anything this morning. We are in the middle of a snow storm here so I wouldn't mind if he held off till next week to make his arrival. But if he does decide it's time during this winter storm we have the 4wd filled with gas, bags are packed and we will make the trip to the hospital and just pray we get there safely and in time. 

This photo was taken yesterday before the big snow storm. I will try to get out in this one once it's all done falling to get a photo.

37 weeks

As of tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant aka FULL TERM. Cannot believe how fast this pregnancy has passed. We are truly down to the last days now he could come anytime. Had an OB appointment today. Not much to update from last weeks appointment. This week I am dilated to a "little" more than 1cm but not quite to to 2cm yet so not much progress from last week. Now that I'm officially full term I am ready! I will be walking and birthing ball sitting daily until he arrives. Don't want to force him to come earlier than when he's ready but definitely doing my part to assist him. Walked 1mile at the park this afternoon which may not sound like a lot but to someone who is having a hard time standing for long periods is a pretty good accomplishment. I honestly didn't think I would have been able to make it that far due to my back pain. And it seems contractions usually start up when I'm up moving about, but only a few contractions all day so far. Probably could have walked a little further but I don't want to overdo it. It won't be long now and we couldn't be more excited. Hubby is getting pretty anxious too... Which is so sweet to witness. 

36 weeks

Going to try to document as much as possible these last days of pregnancy. Last night I slept very little. I was up and down all night long and when I was down I was just trying to sleep. I did get to take a nap this morning and ended up getting out of bed around noon. I got out all of bottles today,washed and sterilized them. Seemed like an all day event. I can't stand up for long periods of time due to my back hurting so bad and being bent over the kitchen sink didn't help. I've always had back pain related to scoliosis and it has only worsened with pregnancy. But I am finally finished with all the bottles woo hop!! I cleaned out a cabinet just for formula and bottles. I'm excited to get them all organized. I also lost what I'm pretty sure is the remainder of my mucus plug today. Now I just wait. I'm scheduled to work Monday and Tuesday so after that I will begin walking and sitting on the birthing ball to hopefully speed things up. That's pretty much been the extent of my day.

Appointment update

Today I'm 35 weeks 6 days and had an OB appointment this am. I had a cervical check and he is in position head down, cervix dilated to 1cm and thinning. I lost my mucus plug today also. Thinking it won't be too much longer now. Going to start sterilizing bottles this weekend to prepare in case I have to supplement with formula. We are ready.

2am

Been awake since midnight. Sleep has pretty much been very little to non existent the last couple of nights. Starting yesterday morning around 7:30am I had a contraction that brought me to tears and scared me, because I hadn't felt anything quite like that before. They came off and on all day yesterday not as severe but mildly. I fell asleep around 9:30pm last night and woke up at 12 with a pain in my pelvis that I have no idea how to even describe, other than it feels like intense pressure on my cervix. It's constant at times and rarely goes away, it worsens when I stand and it has me very concerned about how I will get through the 5 remaining shifts I have left at work. I  have also had indigestion this morning and haven't eaten anything since around 6:30pm. I can't lay down and it hurts to sit up. I am physically to the point that I am ready to get Grayson out, but want him to stay in at a minimum of 37 weeks for his benefit. I just keep thinking if I have to feel like this for weeks I don't know how I'm going to do it. I've never felt anything like this before. I got up to get a glass of milk a few minutes ago to hopefully help with the indigestion and had another intense contraction. I guess that's what it is because my whole entire abdomen gets really hard and it hurts so,so bad very low in my pelvis. I'm very anxious for my appointment Thursday, it can't get here soon enough. Told my hubby tonight I am pretty sure my plans for a natural labor will be out the window and I will be asking for an epidural. 

Feel like I'm being a big baby about it... Every woman goes through this. The hormones aren't helping, I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm pretty sure I could sit here and just cry for hours and I don't even know why. I am happy and I am thankful for all of this.

35 weeks

First off l will start this post by updating what's been going on with me the past week. That miserable third trimester I've been hearing about has hit me. I try not to complain because every time I do I think to myself thank you God for every discomfort every single one because there have been many years I never thought I'd be blessed enough to be here carrying this big beautiful boy. And I say big not because the doctors have told me I will have a big baby but because he feels huge now lol. When I am lying in bed and roll over (which is no easy task) I feel this weight shift and then he moves around and gets all comfy according to how I'm laying. It really is an amazing yet uncomfortable feeling. When I am sitting I am just fine despite the back pain but when I stand this big boy drops and I can feel his weight even more. If I'm on my feet for more than 15-20 minutes at a time I literally feel like I'm going to go into labor at any minute. Braxton hicks contractions  have started this week and my body is preparing to welcome this little miracle. I've got a feeling it won't be long now. I may be surprised and make it to my due date (Feb. 5th) but I really don't think I will. My last day of work is scheduled for January 12th then my work baby shower is the 13th. Thankfully I don't have anymore 8-12hour days where I have to stand on my feet working on the floor. For those of you that don't know I'm a nurse. I will be doing case management the majority of my my last days which is much easier on my body. The last 8 hour shift I worked on the floor I felt like I was dying... Not really but I know if I had to continue that everyday Grayson would be coming sooner rather than later. Lack of sleep hasn't really been an issue with me until the last few days. Last night I had horrible indigestion. I could either sit up and have back pain or lay down and feel like I was going to puke. (Yuk, I know). I kicked my hubby out of the bed last night because I needed the entire bed to sprawl out and get comfortable. Actually I didn't kick him out, he offered to sleep on the couch if it meant I might get a better nights rest and I gladly took him up on the offer. I did feel really bad when I woke up this morning without him by my side and came and apologized and told him to get back in bed. Another new thing this week are my roller coaster emotions. OMG even I am getting on my own nerves. My husband is a saint even though I've called him everything but and cried to him about how I don't feel like he loves me anymore every time I turn around. I cry at the drop of a hat some times I don't even know why. It's insane how many tears I've shed this past week. I had a melt down one day because the house wasn't as tidy as I thought it should be and I didn't have the energy to do anything about it. So what did I do I literally lost it and cried... Pretty much sobbed about it the entire morning. Enough with the complaints. These are truly are the joys of pregnancy and I would take all this times a million if I had to. I love this boy more than words will ever begin to describe and I am beyond thankful to carry him and feel all this! 

2016 this is the year our son will be born, the best year of my life by far. The year that I will be overcome with joy at the sight of his face which I know will be the most perfect little face I will ever lay eyes on. This is the year WE GET TO HOLD OUR BABY IN OUR ARMS!!!! Praise the Lord!