1 year ago today we found out our baby had went to heaven. Although today I am 11 weeks pregnant with another little miracle my heart will always ache every time I think of the life we lost. The past year has been the hardest of my life. At times I believed I'd never have the opportunity to carry another child and now that I am I'm terrified of losing this baby too. My heart won't truly be at peace until I hold a healthy baby in my arms....people say just relax stress is not good for the baby. I know that but bottling up fears and emotions is far more stressful than letting your fears and real thoughts be known and being honest with myself and the ones I'm close too helps me to deal with the anxieties I have.
The baby I am carrying now was conceived with no help from modern medicine... No IUI, IVF, FET. When announcing this pregnancy I've had several people say "all in God's timing, people need to remember that" and "God is better than any doctor". Which is true everything in life happens in God's timing and God is better than anything or anyone. But God works through doctors and a little over a year ago God worked through my doctors to create the baby that we lost. I guess I feel that in some way people diminish the importance of the live we lost.... Which may be the defensive side of me coming out. In no way do I mean to attack anyone's good intentions. Even my husband has made similiar statements. The mother in me wants to protect the fact that baby mattered that baby was created in God's timing too it was no less real and important and it will NEVER be forgotten as long as I live.
I totally agree. No matter how the baby came to have a sweet little heartbeat, it's all God's doing. I am so excited for that little one you are carrying now. I totally understand the fear. I will say that once you get to the point of actually feeling your little one it does help tremendously! Getting that reassuring kick is amazing. Prayers for a healthy pregnancy :)
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts are very normal. I don't think I will ever truly get passed my miscarriages. Even being pregnant now I still have those moments of my baby should have been this old. It doesn't matter how ur babies came to be they're all Gods miracles. I'm not going to tell u to relax because I had a difficult time accepting that this little one was the one. Take care of urself and like Amie said once u feel movement it will get easier.
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