As if this whole this whole experience hasn't been bad enough, it gets worse. Yesterday I went for my follow up ultrasound after a little over a week from having an attempt at a medication assisted miscarriage. & surprisingly baby is still there, I have not miscarried yet. I will now likely have to have a surgical procedure (D&C) to remove the baby. I will be speaking with my doctor this morning to discuss the next steps. I had to go back to that room & stare at our baby's lifeless perfect little body all over again. It brought back all the same feelings I had the first time I layed there in that ultrasound room & it was the most awful feeling I have ever felt. I just do not & will not understand why this is happening to me. I am so angry & heartbroken. I feel like I was on the mend, I was just getting to the point I was starting to have a little glimmer of hope again & I feel like I'm right back to square one.
I need prayers for strength, faith & peace. I am going to continue leaning on God. I will not lose sight of eternity that I will spend with our sweet baby, I will not allow the devil to take that from me. As much as I question God's reasons for allowing this to happen, I am going to put my faith & trust in Him.
Update: After speaking with my doctor this afternoon and weighing the pros & con's of doing a d&c I have decided to do another medication assisted miscarriage. As much as I like the thought of having the d&c & not having to face the awfulness of the whole process I am concerned there is a slight risk of numerous side effects of d&c that can effect future fertility so I have decided to try the medication one more time. If it is not successful this round we will have no choice but to do the d&c. I will go back for a follow up ultrasound on August 7th to see if it was sucessful.
So we fix our eyes not in what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18
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