Tomorrow at 7:30am I will go to women's hospital for pre-op for a D&C that will be done at 9am. Exactly 3 months from the the date of our embryo transfer. On May 29th I became pregnant with our angel. I became a mother that day. Even though our baby went to heaven a little more than a month ago we have been unable to move forward. I will never forget & I will never stop loving our precious baby. The hurt will never go away completely. I need to move forward but at the same time I dont want to. I can't explain that. I don't want to feel this way forever but this is our baby that won't be talked about that won't be remembered by anyone but us. No one else got to meet him/her but I did & I love her more than anyone else in this world will ever understand. I don't want her to be gone but she is and she has been for more than a month now. Tomorrow just makes it real again it brings back this ache. Its weird how on Tuesday when the d&c was scheduled how much relief i had just knowing that after Friday we can move forward, not forget but move foward. And right now it sounds crazy but the last thing I want to do is move forward. I want that baby back I want to be 16 weeks pregnant on Saturday not recovering from a d&c. Tonight I'm heartbroken. I know once its over things will get better & I'll feel hope again but tonight I just wanna cry.
So Sorry Tara I know this is hard on you all but especially you! You will be in my thoughts and prayets!
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