Yesterday was the first day of my 5th week of pregnancy. I have decided to take weekly photos to show how much the belly is growing & I just think it will be a neat thing for our children to look back on one day. I debated announcing our pregnancy so early in fear that something (God forbid) may happen and I may miscarry. But I have been so open about the whole IVF process I had people asking me daily when I would know something. Also I figured everyone would have to know at some point anyway so I may as well have the support if it were to happen. We have both put so much into being here. So many emotions in the past 2 years, my life has been like a roller coaster. We got our hopes up to be let down and did that over and over again. That's why it is so hard for me to believe that this is really happening. I am really pregnant, God really did bless me. I had faith the whole time that he would but for it to finally be real.... I have a hard time letting myself believe everything is going to be alright. I worry so much. I am so excited to be pregnant and have wanted this more than anything in the world, but I am scared to let myself get too happy about it. There's so much fear that I will lose this, I feel I need to prepare myself for another let down. It's what I have done the past 2 years have hope but prepare myself emotionally for the worst because that's what happened the past 24 months. I pray everyday for my miracle that God will let them grow and be healthy baby/babies, then I pray for strength for myself in case that is not God's plan. I want to enjoy my pregnancy to be happy, to let go of this worry and know that whatever happens is a part of God's great plan for me. I don't want to be 38 weeks pregnant and still in disbelief and have my whole pregnancy pass me by in worry. I read a devotional this morning that has made me decide that I will be happy I am tossing these worries out the window, they're nothing but the devil planting seeds in my mind. God wants me to be happy. Worry is pointless, it gets us no where and it is a lack of faith. I want to be filled with faith and know that God is blessing us with healthy children. I am so thankful for this pregnancy & I will not let my worry overshadow my blessing.
Below is the devotion from Pocket Fuel that has opened my eyes this morning.... God is my strength, all I need is faith in Him.
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Revelation 22:13
Right now, stop reading for a second and take a look around. Wherever you are, whatever your environment is like, there will be evidence that you didn't or couldn't create it, and evidence that you won't be around to see it end! Drink up the enormity of that thought for a moment! The Creator of the universe spoke the light you see with into existence. The Creator spoke the form of the earth that you freely move around in. He spoke the plants and animals that we draw physical energy on, into form. Finally, He created the possibility for human life, your life, and watched you form in your mother's womb (Ps 139). He is so passionate about being connected to you that the Creator allowed His only Son to be destroyed, so that you would never be separated (by the power of sin) from Him. Go to the very start of everything and you'll find God. Go to the very end and there'll you find Him too. He sees it all, from beginning to end and He knows what you're going through AND what you're going to need! The trouble is most of us put far too much stock in our own strength - a strength that has no ability to foresee the future - when our trust is far better in the hands of the all-knowing, all-loving and Almighty God. When you look to the Almighty for hope, provision, and trust there comes an ease. Things aren't necessarily easier, but there's an ease; a peace and a grace that everything will work out for good. What God has for you will not pass you by. The purpose He has for you will reveal itself in some way, shape or form and the provision (read: health, family, finances, connections) will come to you. Don't wrestle this life in your own strength… it'll only wear you out. But instead, trust in the One who knows the beginning to the end. Have a brilliant day.
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