Today is the day of our first ultrasound. I barely slept a wink last night I'm so anxious. There's a tiny part of me worried that something will be wrong, but most of all I'm excited. Excited to see if there will be one or two babies & if there will be heartbeats.
I've just been laying in bed this morning thinking about the future & thinking back on this journey. I can't help but remember the days I felt so crushed, so heartbroken. One particular day comes to mind I cried uncontrollably in the floor after I found out another IUI had failed. At that moment I sobbed to the point I could hardly catch my breath. I felt so empty. I even told my Chris that I felt like I was losing my mind. I just wanted to scream. Not only was I hurt I was angry. I was in a deep pit. There have been few times in my life I felt that kind of pain. I prayed that day after questioning "Why God, WHY?". I've prayed the prayer for strength so many times. At that point I was all out of strength. Today I sit here with a miracle inside me & I cry tears of joy, & I thank God today for those rock bottom moments. Because of days like that, I'm able to deeply appreciate what a blessing this is, in a way I wouldn't have been able to had I not experienced that. I PRAISE THE LORD for every step I've taken & pray my miracle grows into a healthy baby.
No matter where we are in life there are going to be times we feel hopeless & helpless. But those are just tiny moments in time, they'll all but disappear once we get to where God intends.
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